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 Asunto: You fiddle with me when you're bored
NotaPublicado: Dom Jul 11, 2010 8:46 am 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?Newest Louis vuitton Star Patterns
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6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

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 Asunto: As of tomorrow
NotaPublicado: Dom Jul 25, 2010 4:15 pm 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
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"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

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 Asunto: a little testily because of the constant interruptions
NotaPublicado: Mié Jul 28, 2010 2:43 pm 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree." The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"

The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
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The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"

The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."

The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the f***ing putt!!!"

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 Asunto: the most powerful variants
NotaPublicado: Vie Jul 30, 2010 2:17 pm 
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Registrado: Jue Jul 29, 2010 6:45 am
Mensajes: 114
Suse

One of the most powerful variants, Suse is also one of the top choices for desktop users. Using the YaST utility, configuration and setup is simple. At the same time it gives power users plenty of options for configuring the system. While it packs a lot of features, the desktop (called KDE) was designed to give users easy access to its tools and utilities.
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Following its acquisition by Novell, the variant has become open for development from public sources. Its ease of use and frequent updates solidifies its status as one of the best Linux versions around. It is being run on a host of desktops and patches and upgrades are released frequently.

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 Asunto: Please don't
NotaPublicado: Vie Jul 30, 2010 3:19 pm 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.


Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring theed hardy Long sleeve woman Tee
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ed hardy man denim resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

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 Asunto: I'm leaving you
NotaPublicado: Dom Ago 01, 2010 12:41 pm 
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Registrado: Jue Jul 29, 2010 6:45 am
Mensajes: 114
A man comes home and finds his girlfriend packing. "Where are you going?" he asks.

"I'm leaving you," she answers.

"Leaving me? Why?

"She continues packing and says, "Because I found out today that you're a pedophile!"

"A pedophile? A pedophile?" he shouts. "That's a pretty big word for a ten year old!"
------
A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?"

The bartender says, "Once upon a time...."
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A man is walking on the beach when he's appoached by a gorgeous woman in a skin tight wet suit. She unzips the wet suit a little and removes a cigarette. She lights it and places it between the mans lips.

He can't believe it. She then unzips it a little further and pulls out a martini glass. She proceeds to mix a perfect martini and hands it to him. He thinks he must be dreaming.

She then unzips the wet suit to below her belly button and says, "Do you wanna play around?"

He says, "Wow!!! You have golf clubs in there?"

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 Asunto: But you named the last eleven phil
NotaPublicado: Mié Ago 18, 2010 8:58 pm 
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Registrado: Jue Jul 29, 2010 6:45 am
Mensajes: 114
"You've just had your twelvth baby miss. What are you going to name this one?"

"Phil"

"But you named the last eleven phil"

"Yeah its great. I say phil go clean the room, they all go clean their room. I say phil come for dinner, they all come for dinner."
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"But what if you only want one of them?"

"Oh! Then I call them by thier last name."

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 Asunto: The circus owner was so impressed
NotaPublicado: Mar Ago 24, 2010 2:14 pm 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
A circus owner walked into a shop to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.

After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
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Three days later the circus owner runs back to the shop in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

"Hmmm...." thought the duck's former owner. "Did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

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 Asunto: The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down
NotaPublicado: Vie Ago 27, 2010 6:37 am 
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Registrado: Mié Jun 23, 2010 7:33 am
Mensajes: 368
The next weekend Jake and Bubba went down to the stadium where the tournament was to be held and signed Bubba up. An old man came up and started briefing them on the rules of the contest and such. Jake, seeing Bubba was a bit nervous, asked the old man for any tips. The old man looked up to Bubba and said, "Just you watch out for his pretzel hold. Ain't nobody ever gotten out that thing."
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One by one, the contestants ahead of Bubba went in and came back balled up and hurting. Two hours after they arrived, Bubba's turn was finally up. In the ring, right before the bell rang, Bubba looked back at Jake and said,
"Don't worry buddy. I can avoid that pretzel thing." But not ten seconds after he had gotten up in the ring was The Killer laying on top of the contorted ball of Bubba and the referee was pounding the mat, counting to ten.

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