The second drunk agrees and they head off to the bar. They walk in and order two beers and drink them down. When the beer is gone,the first drunk whips the sausage out and the second starts sucking on it. "What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bar!" says the bartender, and the two run out laughing. "That was great, and it didn't cost us a cent" says the second drunk. "Let's do it again!"
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So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night. At the end of the night, after about the 20th bar, the second drunk says "Man what a great night. All this drinking is making me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."

"Sausage?" says the first. "I ate the sausage about eight bars ago!"

One day a Blonde goes with a friend to watch her first cricket match. While there the batsman hit's a six and then a four. "Wow, that bowler is good" said the Blonde "No matter where the batsman puts the bat, he always manages to hit it."

Q: Why did the Blonde get 17 other people together to see a movie?
A: Because 'under 18' was prohibited.
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Q: Did you hear about the Blonde couple who froze to death at the drive-in?
A: They went to see 'Closed for the Winter'.

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Having been sprung using fake case numbers such as 091919 and 163.001 on their fake gold cases, our intrepid criminals have resorted to no case numbers at all. I have seen a number of these cases surface over the past twelve months, the latest of which may be this listing on eBay by seller executivetime. I say may be, because this case back may have been photographically or physically altered to block out one of the above fake numbers. No matter,discount omega watches
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There is a Redneck Cop sleeping in his cruiser one night.

All of a sudden he is awakened by a loud crash.

The cop gets out of his car and walks up the road a piece when he notices a car in the ditch.

"Damn" he says, "There's a car in the ditch!"

He takes out his notebook and writes "car in D-I-T-C-H" for his report.

He walk up the raod a bit further and notices another car in the ditch.

So he writes "another car in ditch....D-I-T-C-H" for his report.

The cop decides to head back to his car to make the report when he notices a head in the middle of the boulevard.
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"Damn, somebody's head's in the middle of the boulevard!"

He gets out his notebook again and begins writing "head in middle of"

Then he thinks, boulevard? "B-O..." no, no "B-U..."

"Aww hell" he says and he kicks the head into the ditch

"D-I-T-C-H"

One day a redneck farmer goes to farmers market and asks "Do you have any donkeys"

"Yes, but we call them asses" the man replies.

"Ok, I'll take one" says the farmer "also I need a rooster, have you got any"

"No" replies the man "but we do have some cockrells. Will that do."

"Sure" says the man "Gimme one of those also"
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When he arrived home he found that both his new animals were being quite troublesome.

He called his wife and said "You bend down and grab my cock, while I slap my ass"

There was this lady and she really wanted to have sex, but she was to scared to ask her husband so she went to a jipsy and told her her problem.

The jipsy rummaged around in a chest and pulled out a pickle jar with a penis in it, and said "All you have to do is open the jar and say 'Pickle penis my vigina' and it will start having sex with you".
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So later she tries out the pickle penis and it works great. That is until her husband walks in and he shouts "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT" and the woman says "It's a pickled penis"

Unfortunately her husband replied "PICKLE PENIS MY ASS"